Page numbers are taken from the UK version with the above cover.

This review contains spoilers!

Review Written: 6th September 2012

Fifty Shades Freed by E L James.

What I don't understand from the outset, is why the book is called Fifty Shades Freed. Ana has nothing to be free from. It's a consensual relationship after all, and after the second book, the two are to be married. If anything, it is Christian who needs to be free, from his past. I would say I can't believe I just analysed the title but if I take you back to my previous review where I analysed their self esteem issues, well, anything is possible.

Basic Plotline: The story starts as a series of flashbacks. Christian and Ana Grey are on their honeymoon, and the flashbacks involve the wedding as well as other locations on their honeymoon. (London, Paris and the South of France - Monte Carlo, the place where Max de Winter met the new Mrs de Winter and Narrator of Rebecca - TOLD YOU it would appear again. #genius) Then we have more sex, domestic life, arguments, kidnapping and babies. 

One thing I found annoying: The constant repetition of 'I'm married to the most handsome, sexy, messed up man in the world, I'm so lucky, blah blah blah'. Yes, I get it. One thing I don't get is why all their arguments seem to be solved by sex.

One thing I found funny: We have the horse and bad guy from Beauty and the Beast make an appearance as bodyguards - Philippe and Gaston. They only appear on the honeymoon and then we don't hear from them again, but I like them while they are there. For Disney reasons.

Random things I like to count: 

Laters baby - 2
Laters - 3
There - 3

Yes, I found the total number shocking too but it seemed James was aware that in the second book, she used 'laters baby' way too often and needed to cut down. There was also a lack of emails between the two main characters which made a refreshing change.

Lines that sounded awfully familiar:  'The odds are in his favor' (Page 362) I was expecting Effie Trinket to appear and for Katniss to start volunteering. 

Themes, themes and more themes: Platinum everywhere - wedding rings, the watch she received on the first day in London and a bracelet in Monte Carlo. I did some 'Googling' and it is associated with wealth due to it's rare nature. So if we hadn't yet realised that Christian was really rich, we get another friendly reminder using jewellery. 

The 'weight thing':
"Even though I'm fat?" - Ana
"Even though you're fat." - Christian (Page 87) Why would your husband EVER tell you that "you've put on some weight"? She knows he's joking but then it will always be in the back of her fictional mind.

One thing that will never happen: "It's yar." Cue Regina George telling Ana and Christian that 'yar' is never going to happen.

Ending and Final Conclusions: We have the most stereotypical happy ending the world has ever known. The bad guys have been defeated, their marriage is happy, one son and a daughter on the way. Which raises the final question of my piece? Why did the world become so taken with this book? Was it scandolous? Erm, not really. If the book had been in Christian's POV, rather than just having a little bit at the end, perhaps then the book would be more shocking. Was it the sex? I doubt it. It was repetitive. Besides, erotic literature has been around before, people just didn't actively seek it. Even in the classics; how many people have read Lady Chatterley's Lover, a shocking, well written book? Maybe I will never know nor understand why the hype exploded around this series but there is one thing I am sure of. These books were fifty shades of stupid.

NEXT REVIEW: ERIN MORGENSTERN'S THE NIGHT CIRCUS