This review contains spoilers!

Review Written: 4th September 2012

Fifty Shades Darker by E L James

Basic Plotline: After spending three days in a New Moon inspired post-Christian depression, the pair are reunited. Hooray, woo, someone get the cake. The action in this book is provided by one of Christian's ex-subs, Leila, who has gone insane and is pretty much out to get Ana, or at least ask her a few questions while holding a gun. I'm being serious. For a good third of the book, that is the problem. More action comes from a missing Christian. Missing all of a few hours when his helicopter goes off course. Finally, we have a proposal. Six weeks after knowing one another, and we have a marriage on our hands. Honestly.

Favourite Line: It's not a line, more of an insult from Ana to Christian's old Dom and friend Elena. She calls her a 'bitch troll' (page 246). If anything should catch on from these books, it should be this insult. Hee hee, bitch troll.

One thing I was disappointed with: The lack of the word 'there' again. It only appeared 5 times. What I notice is that you can go a few hundred pages without so much of a sniff of the word but then it will appear twice on one page. While we are talking about words, the whole 'laters baby' thing is really really annoying. How many millionaires say that? In this book, everyone says it, Ana, Christian,  Kate (Ana's best friend), Elliot (Christian's older brother), Ethan (Kate's brother). It's like word plague.

Cracking the Twilight code: It took me forever to think who the main Twilight characters were in this story (as this started as Twilight fan fiction after all). Ana is obviously Bella, complete with tripping, lip biting and having serious doubts about herself. Christian is Edward with his overpowering nature and also having serious doubts about himself. The other four confused me. At first, I thought Kate was Alice and Elliot as Jasper. However, as the story progresses and we meet Christian's sister Mia, who is described as lively, she is instantly Alice. Kate's brother Ethan, described as a 'blond god' is Jasper and when the two meet for the first time, Mia is smitten. Therefore, Kate is Rosalie and bulky Ethan is Emmett. Oooh, and Ana's friend José who has the crush on her is obviously Jacob. 

One thing that made me chuckle (1): "It makes me feel so old, at least thirty." (Page 497) Oh God yeah, thirty is like soooo old, aren't they all like collecting pensions or something? God forbid I get to forty. Urgh.

One thing that annoyed me (1): It bothers me how Christian only calls his biological mother 'crack whore'. She will never win a 'mother of the year' award but she did give birth to the man. 

One thing that confused me: I don't believe she works. She's either:
1) Emailing Christian
2) Phoning Christian
3) Speaking to another bloke - José or Ethan
Talking of work, her boss is a creep so surprise, surprise he hits on her and gets fired because Christian now owns the company Ana works for. The following day, Ana gets offered the job as acting editor. Just like that. I feel this is a dangerous move for the company. I mean, if she spends most of her time concentrating on the above list, the company is going nowhere.

One thing that annoyed me (2) [the serious part]: I hate how every happy moment is squashed by Ana's doubts. I'm not sure 50 Shades is the book series to get messages from but people read books to feel better about life. Reading "I don't want to think about my weight; truth is, I like being this slim" (433) does not make me warm to her as a not slim person. She may just be capturing a glimpse of a woman's thoughts - I'm not saying all women have doubts about themselves but fact is, some do, and I could go on about media influences etc etc. However, it's not like the people around her, male and female, never compliment her as a person and not just as something to look at. (Again, you shouldn't get your self confidence from what other people think of you.) I wish she wouldn't worry about her weight, it continues in the third book but you'll get more of that next time. Ana is not the only one to have doubts - Christian does too, he doubts how much Ana actually loves him and no matter how many times she says she does, he still doubts her. These two are one of the most complex couples I have ever read about. They actually make my brain hurt. [the less serious part] Her internal moaning is boring; it also doesn't help persuade me to like her.
 
Similarities I noticed in my own life that made me want to run and hide: Of all the books on Christian's book shelf, Ana has to choose Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (286) which is my favourite book. Could this perhaps be the book that replaces Wuthering Heights in Twilight? Also, Christian drinks Hendrick's Gin with a slice of cucumber which is my favourite alcoholic drink. This, is not fair.

One thing that made me chuckle (2): The elevator scene where he uses his magic touch in her magic area. "In...out....in...out" WE DO THE HOKEY COKEY AND WE TURN AROUND, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT - HEY!

Overall Conclusion: It. Was. Interesting.

NEXT REVIEW: Third and final book. Thank God.