Could be considered to contain spoilers. Here is your warning.

 Review Written: 2nd September 2012

 Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James.

I did this review differently. Rather than my usual over view, this has become more of a running commentary. While reading, I have written down parts that I felt needed to be commented on. Enjoy!

Basic Plotline: Anastasia Steele meets Christian Grey when she falls head first into his office to interview him for an ill friend. He is taken by her and wishes her to become his submissive. The remainder of the book contains sex, punishment, Ana whining and Christian holding back information meaning you have to read all three books to find out why he is, and I quote, fifty shades of f****d up.

Favourite Line: He's my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle (Page 137) Why is this my favourite line? Well, I shall tell you as for why. A certain male body part is being compared to an enjoyable treat. It's like a metaphor gone terribly, terribly wrong.

One thing I was disappointed with: THE LACK OF THE WORD THERE! On the internet, this book is slated for the amount of times the word 'there' appears to describe the female equivalent of Christian's popsicle. I counted it only four times. FOUR. [If I missed any, it's probably because I skimmed the naughty scenes because they were rather repetitive]

One thing that annoyed me (1): THIS WOMAN IS NEVER HUNGRY. Huge sex session. Hungry? No. Wakes up in the morning. Hungry? No. Just the very mention of food and I'm craving a cheeseburger. One example, they go to a restaurant, she wants a Diet Coke (wise child) but he orders two glasses of Pinot Grigio. (Clearly she doesn't want the coke that badly because she would have argued. She argues about everything else.) Anyway, after the most interesting starter of nettle soup, she still doesn't have any appetite because Christian makes her nervous so he snaps a bit. You do find out eventually why he is so hung up about the food thing although the details are spared until, I assume, the later novels.

One thing that creeped me out: No, it's not Christian's stalker tendencies which are weird but it is the scene on page 77, where Ana describes sharing Christian's tooth brush as 'naughty' and 'thrilling'. Using someone's toothbrush is not naughty or thrilling. It's disgusting.

One thing that confused me (1): What I don't understand is, he doesn't want a loving relationship and yet he wants her to meet his mother and...then he meets her mother. And why does he call her baby? I hate it as a nickname, but it's a nickname never-the-less and surely attached is a notion of love? In fact, I don't understand their relationship at all. Besides from the S&M stuff, their everyday interaction seems like someone in a relationship. Yes, he is a bit bossier than usual and happens to be an extreme version of a control freak, but he likes routine. Or so he says.

One thing that annoyed me (2): The lip biting. It stopped being mildly seductive the second time she did it. She does it approximately 42395 times and Christian always asks her to stop. On the surface it could be because he finds it sexy but I think, deep down, he finds it annoying too.

One thing that bored me: The dominant/submissive contract is long and I skim read it. It's weird, the whole thing sounds painful and I'm going to move on now. Wait, before I do, the one thing that got me was the 'personal hygiene/beauty' section (172-173). Really? Really? Visiting beauty salons just to be tied to the bed post? Really? Half the stuff I don't even know what it is. I live a sheltered life and I have no desire to even Google the long words. Could you imagine the search results? Also, certain parts are just bulk - like the endless emails the two share.
I slept well, how did you sleep?
Well, do you like your new laptop?
Yes, you do not need to do this.
I do, so you can google those long words in the contract and then agree to them. She even hyperventilates when he sends her a ';)'. It's an emoticon. It's not flowers.

One of those British things that seemed out of place in a book set in America: The fact that her stepdad Ray thinks tea is the answer to everything (Page 246) is a very British notion indeed. Brits thinks tea solves everything. I think google solves everything. Also, a lot of bands mentioned are bands from this side of the pond. I'm not even sure how popular Snow Patrol are but Ana likes to listen to them.

One thing that annoyed me (3): I get that the book is called 50 Shades. I get it. So why does it keep appearing as an emotion - 50 Shades of crazy, 50 Shades of exasperating. It makes me 50 Shades of annoyed! 

One thing that confused me (2): I'd also like to know how many condoms that man carries around with him at any one time. They seem to be in an unlimited supply. Like, Sex and the City 2, where the contents of Samantha's bag is scattered and she holds up a load, all attached in a long line. Like, the Looney Tunes sweets - do you remember those? They were awesome. I think even Ana wouldn't say no to that food.   

Overall Conclusion: There is a lot of sex to try and liven the book up yet I'm bored. I need adventure in my novels or at least embarrassing situations in my romances. All Ana does is trip up. Do I think I'll be reading the next one? Unfortunately, as I'm one of those people who need to finish a book series. Although, I don't care where their story goes, I just want to see what all the fuss was about. I fail to understand it. 

NEXT REVIEW: I'm reading the next one. Prepare for a similar format although the detail may be lacking.